36 Ways to Be a Moron

How to Be a Moron

how to be a moron
135
  1. Go to a bank Go to a bank, put on a ski mask, point your index finger at the security guard and say in an ugly tone, where can I deposit my money?

    Go to a bank

    Go to a bank, put on a ski mask, point your index finger at the security guard and say in an ugly tone, where can I deposit my money?

  2. On the interview Get an interview for a position you are severely overqualified for. When asked what your salary requirements are, answer that you are willing to work as a volunteer because you believe in the organization's cause. Next, quit your present job, even if you haven't been hired at the new business.

    On the interview

    Get an interview for a position you are severely overqualified for. When asked what your salary requirements are, answer that you are willing to work as a volunteer because you believe in the organization’s cause. Next, quit your present job, even if you haven’t been hired at the new business.

  3. Run a red light Run a red light, cause a collision, and then explain to the cops that colors have never been your strong point because you've always been a village Moron in math.

    Run a red light

    Run a red light, cause a collision, and then explain to the cops that colors have never been your strong point because you’ve always been a village Moron in math.

  4. Phone an ex-girlfriend Phone an ex-girlfriend you feel resentment towards. Although it wasn't you who ended the relationship and you feel bitterly betrayed, explain how wrong you were. Support your apology by saying that you are doing therapy to correct yourself.

    Phone an ex-girlfriend

    Phone an ex-girlfriend you feel resentment towards. Although it wasn’t you who ended the relationship and you feel bitterly betrayed, explain how wrong you were. Support your apology by saying that you are doing therapy to correct yourself.

  5. Find an illegal alien Find an illegal alien, offer them your passport and other confidential documents, then turn yourself in for committing identity theft. After all, turning an unsuspecting foreigner into a moron should be a crime.

    Find an illegal alien

    Find an illegal alien, offer them your passport and other confidential documents, then turn yourself in for committing identity theft. After all, turning an unsuspecting foreigner into a moron should be a crime.

  6. Watch trash television at least four hours daily Watch trash television at least four hours daily. Avoid programs that make you think. Remember, thinking is taboo for a village Moron.

    Watch trash television at least four hours daily

    Watch trash television at least four hours daily. Avoid programs that make you think. Remember, thinking is taboo for a village Moron.

  7. Drive endlessly Drive endlessly through parking lots looking for an open space. Take forever to decide whether to pull into the space. Disregard the angry motorists behind you as you debate over the last two parking spaces in the lot.

    Drive endlessly

    Drive endlessly through parking lots looking for an open space. Take forever to decide whether to pull into the space. Disregard the angry motorists behind you as you debate over the last two parking spaces in the lot.

  8. Make excuses if you cause an accident Blame the other driver and use expletives when talking to them. Refuse to give them all your contact information. Whine about how you're going to miss your racquetball lesson. Ignore any person injured by the accident, and let a passerby help them instead.

    Make excuses if you cause an accident

    Blame the other driver and use expletives when talking to them. Refuse to give them all your contact information. Whine about how you’re going to miss your racquetball lesson. Ignore any person injured by the accident, and let a passerby help them instead.

  9. Weave back Weave back and forth between lanes like a moron. If one lane moves too slowly, then drive into the next lane. Then steer back if that lane becomes too slow, and so on.

    Weave back

    Weave back and forth between lanes like a moron. If one lane moves too slowly, then drive into the next lane. Then steer back if that lane becomes too slow, and so on.

  10. When stopped at an intersection When stopped at an intersection, wait for an oncoming car to get close enough that they have to break to avoid hitting you when you pull out in front of them. Make sure you don't wait so long that they actually hit you. You don't want to cause an accident. You'll look like a Moron!

    When stopped at an intersection

    When stopped at an intersection, wait for an oncoming car to get close enough that they have to break to avoid hitting you when you pull out in front of them. Make sure you don’t wait so long that they actually hit you. You don’t want to cause an accident. You’ll look like a Moron!

  11. If you have the right of way when If you have the right of way when you come to an intersection and someone pulls out in front of you, even if they're a half mile ahead of you, floor it. Get really close to their rear bumper. Beep your horn. Make obscene gestures. Let them know just how irritated you are that they decided to drive on your stretch of highway!

    If you have the right of way when

    If you have the right of way when you come to an intersection and someone pulls out in front of you, even if they’re a half mile ahead of you, floor it. Get really close to their rear bumper. Beep your horn. Make obscene gestures. Let them know just how irritated you are that they decided to drive on your stretch of highway!

  12. If you're driving around a parking lot If you're driving around a parking lot and you see someone waiting for a parking spot, but they're blocked from pulling into the spot by the car backing out of the spot, pull up from the opposite direction and steal that parking spot!! Smile at the irritated driver.

    If you’re driving around a parking lot

    If you’re driving around a parking lot and you see someone waiting for a parking spot, but they’re blocked from pulling into the spot by the car backing out of the spot, pull up from the opposite direction and steal that parking spot!! Smile at the irritated driver.

  13. Make sure you park Make sure you park so that your car is over the line, thus preventing anyone from parking in the spot next to you. Better yet, park diagonally across two parking spots.

    Make sure you park

    Make sure you park so that your car is over the line, thus preventing anyone from parking in the spot next to you. Better yet, park diagonally across two parking spots.

  14. Say that you are lonely Men and women, in general, sometimes feel lonely and it might even be the reason that they signed up for a profile on a dating site to begin with. When you are alone for a while, it usually does get lonely, although people don't necessarily need or want to know this.

    Say that you are lonely

    Men and women, in general, sometimes feel lonely and it might even be the reason that they signed up for a profile on a dating site to begin with. When you are alone for a while, it usually does get lonely, although people don’t necessarily need or want to know this.

  15. Use improper grammar and spelling There's nothing like looking through profiles and finding one that is a real 'professional business man' or one that 'don't have many flaws.' If you are trying to find a date by using this type of spelling and grammar, you might just find your perfect match.

    Use improper grammar and spelling

    There’s nothing like looking through profiles and finding one that is a real ‘professional business man’ or one that ‘don’t have many flaws.’ If you are trying to find a date by using this type of spelling and grammar, you might just find your perfect match.

  16. Make it known that you are the world's greatest catch Make it known that you are the world's greatest catch, even go so far as to say that you are Mr. Right. This one also falls into the conceited category and tends to turn people off. Simply telling them about you and letting them be the judge might be a better option.

    Make it known that you are the world’s greatest catch

    Make it known that you are the world’s greatest catch, even go so far as to say that you are Mr. Right. This one also falls into the conceited category and tends to turn people off. Simply telling them about you and letting them be the judge might be a better option.

  17. Call yourself a big teddy bear somewhere in the description of yourself Women seem to love big teddy bears, right? Well, stuffed teddy bears, maybe. Not all women find men that look like teddy bears attractive. It's funny how you never really hear a woman call themselves teddy bears.

    Call yourself a big teddy bear somewhere in the description of yourself

    Women seem to love big teddy bears, right? Well, stuffed teddy bears, maybe. Not all women find men that look like teddy bears attractive. It’s funny how you never really hear a woman call themselves teddy bears.

  18. Tell your potential new mate that you are complicated Tell your potential new mate that you are complicated, live a complicated life or even that you are so busy working that you don't have time to meet people. Stating this is also the equivalent of saying that you won't have time for them either. If you tell them that you are complicated, you might find a mate that can teach you the meaning of being truly complicated.

    Tell your potential new mate that you are complicated

    Tell your potential new mate that you are complicated, live a complicated life or even that you are so busy working that you don’t have time to meet people. Stating this is also the equivalent of saying that you won’t have time for them either. If you tell them that you are complicated, you might find a mate that can teach you the meaning of being truly complicated.

  19. How to be Moron in twitter Disagree with someone? This may be the only opportunity you ever have to let them know that they suck. Simply start your tweet with @username and keep your flaming under 140 characters. Popular short forms include usuck and your stupid , though you'll obviously be able to come up with more profane selections that won't be suggested here. Don't forget that people who have large numbers of followers are less likely to flame you back, as they value their account and want to follow Twitter's terms of service. They can be flamed freely with no chance of retaliation.

    How to be Moron in twitter

    Disagree with someone? This may be the only opportunity you ever have to let them know that they suck. Simply start your tweet with @username and keep your flaming under 140 characters. Popular short forms include usuck and ur stupd , though you’ll obviously be able to come up with more profane selections that won’t be suggested here. Don’t forget that people who have large numbers of followers are less likely to flame you back, as they value their account and want to follow Twitter’s terms of service. They can be flamed freely with no chance of retaliation.

  20. Spamming Got a link that you'd like to promote? Got several? Why not post them all at once?! Don't worry about offering zero valuable content to all the users gullible enough to follow you back. If they don't like the first or second link, maybe they'll enjoy the 12th! Make sure to find 6 new random accounts to follow for every person who stops following you. If someone direct messages you or mentions your spam on their own page, flame them!

    Spamming

    Got a link that you’d like to promote? Got several? Why not post them all at once?! Don’t worry about offering zero valuable content to all the users gullible enough to follow you back. If they don’t like the first or second link, maybe they’ll enjoy the 12th! Make sure to find 6 new random accounts to follow for every person who stops following you. If someone direct messages you or mentions your spam on their own page, flame them!

  21. Wear a See-Through Mask When determining what mask to wear for your robbery, consider wearing pantyhose over your head. While you will still be quite recognizable, it also obscures your vision. It's like killing two birds with one stone. Lighter colors will obscure your face less than dark colors, but you can also opt for a nearly sheer tone if you like. You want your vision (and facial features) to be as clear as possible.

    Wear a See-Through Mask

    When determining what mask to wear for your robbery, consider wearing pantyhose over your head. While you will still be quite recognizable, it also obscures your vision. It’s like killing two birds with one stone. Lighter colors will obscure your face less than dark colors, but you can also opt for a nearly sheer tone if you like. You want your vision (and facial features) to be as clear as possible.

  22. Include Personal Information If you're as stupid as the average bank robber, there is already a 76 percent chance that you won't wear a disguise. Just in case your face isn't recognizable enough as it is, why not include personal information on your demand note? You can write it an envelope that includes your name and address, on the back of a withdrawal slip that includes your bank account number, or even on a your own subpoena. And no, you wouldn't be the first moron to try any of this!

    Include Personal Information

    If you’re as stupid as the average bank robber, there is already a 76 percent chance that you won’t wear a disguise. Just in case your face isn’t recognizable enough as it is, why not include personal information on your demand note? You can write it an envelope that includes your name and address, on the back of a withdrawal slip that includes your bank account number, or even on a your own subpoena. And no, you wouldn’t be the first moron to try any of this!

  23. Make an Unsuccessful Getaway Your getaway can be ruined or sabotaged in a variety of exciting ways. You can crash the getaway car promptly, use an older model that simply won't start, or even neglect to plan your exit entirely. One moron even used a limo to flee the scene in style, so make sure to consider all your options. Other less eventful ways to end your journey include being locked inside the building or getting tackled by the bank's own customers and staff.

    Make an Unsuccessful Getaway

    Your getaway can be ruined or sabotaged in a variety of exciting ways. You can crash the getaway car promptly, use an older model that simply won’t start, or even neglect to plan your exit entirely. One moron even used a limo to flee the scene in style, so make sure to consider all your options. Other less eventful ways to end your journey include being locked inside the building or getting tackled by the bank’s own customers and staff.

  24. Go to a place where NOBODY knows you Leave if you see anyone that you know or lives near you. (Unless you don't care about your reputation, of course).

    Go to a place where NOBODY knows you

    Leave if you see anyone that you know or lives near you. (Unless you don’t care about your reputation, of course).

  25. Just start doing random things Ex. talking on an invisible cell phone or walking a fake dog.

    Just start doing random things

    Ex. talking on an invisible cell phone or walking a fake dog.

  26. Go to the electronic section Play with walkie-talkies or walkie-talkie cell phones and pretend you are a secret agent.

    Go to the electronic section

    Play with walkie-talkies or walkie-talkie cell phones and pretend you are a secret agent.

  27. In furniture IKEA, PB Teen, Crate and Barrel, sit on all the chairs and lay on all of the beds. Most people do this, so to make this weird make relaxing noises, ex. ooo, that hit the spot, ahh, yeah.

    In furniture

    IKEA, PB Teen, Crate and Barrel, sit on all the chairs and lay on all of the beds. Most people do this, so to make this weird make relaxing noises, ex. ooo, that hit the spot, ahh, yeah.

  28. You're in an elevator If you're in an elevator, say something like oh my gosh, JOE! It's been so long, long lost brother!!!

    You’re in an elevator

    If you’re in an elevator, say something like oh my gosh, JOE! It’s been so long, long lost brother!!!

  29. If it's any store, sing a song If it's any store, sing a song really loud in the middle of the store. Make this song up. Do some hand motions too.

    If it’s any store, sing a song

    If it’s any store, sing a song really loud in the middle of the store. Make this song up. Do some hand motions too.

  30. Try to keep a straight face Try to keep a straight face the whole time you are doing this, hence making people think you are serious doing all these dumb things.

    Try to keep a straight face

    Try to keep a straight face the whole time you are doing this, hence making people think you are serious doing all these dumb things.

  31. Listen to the last question the teacher answered Then ask the identical question again. If the teacher says that she already covered that topic, admit that you were bored and were not paying attention. This indeed will make you look stupid.

    Listen to the last question the teacher answered

    Then ask the identical question again. If the teacher says that she already covered that topic, admit that you were bored and were not paying attention. This indeed will make you look stupid.

  32. Fall asleep during class Fall asleep during class and then wake up right before the bell rings. Ask your teacher, did I miss anything during my nap?

    Fall asleep during class

    Fall asleep during class and then wake up right before the bell rings. Ask your teacher, did I miss anything during my nap?

  33. Ask personal questions of the teacher Because personal questions are inappropriate, they indeed are stupid questions to ask in class. Inquire whether your teacher is divorced, where she bought her shoes or even how much money she makes from teaching. You might get sent to the principal's office, but at least you've accomplished your goal of doing something stupid.

    Ask personal questions of the teacher

    Because personal questions are inappropriate, they indeed are stupid questions to ask in class. Inquire whether your teacher is divorced, where she bought her shoes or even how much money she makes from teaching. You might get sent to the principal’s office, but at least you’ve accomplished your goal of doing something stupid.

  34. Ask a question with a painfully obvious answer When the teacher writes her name on the board on the first day of school, raise your hand, say his name aloud and then ask, is that supposed to be your name? Or if he tells you to turn to page 352 of your history book, ask him whether that's the page right after page 351

    Ask a question with a painfully obvious answer

    When the teacher writes her name on the board on the first day of school, raise your hand, say his name aloud and then ask, is that supposed to be your name?  Or if he tells you to turn to page 352 of your history book, ask him whether that’s the page right after page 351

  35. Ask a question that shows

    You did not do the required reading. For example, if you are in an English class and were assigned to read a novel, asks the teacher what happened in the end of the book? You can also ask her the names of the main characters, where the story is set and what language the book is written in. These questions will show that you not only didn’t do the homework but are stupid enough not to hide this fact.

  36. Know nothing about everything If you are at a party and someone starts talking to you about anything pretend that you have no idea what they are talking about. For example, if they start talking to you about world affairs, ask them what world they are talking about.

    Know nothing about everything
    If you are at a party and someone starts talking to you about anything pretend that you have no idea what they are talking about. For example, if they start talking to you about world affairs, ask them what world they are talking about.

You can submit your Guest Posts too! Learn more
+